sigh no more

over the rainbow

sometimes sad things happen and the world as you knew it, just.. stops..
sometimes horrible things happen and you forget sense of time..
sometimes words cant even describe well enough what your mind is thinking..
and now I just cant sleep.. the silence is so loud.

I´ve lost a close friend, a close colleague, a partner, an advisor.. a mentor.. so many things, and yet not big enough words to describe who he was to me.. and to so many others. The pictures in my mind wont disappear, especially the bad ones.. and yet your voice in my head keeps reminding me to stop being sad and rather just get on with it.. while you smile and roll your eyes.. then I smile again, and remind myself that I´ll never forget you and your sense of humor.

Thank you for everything you taught me.

someday

Im a horrible blogger..I know.. and its official. After not blogging for almost a year, I cant even call myself a blogger anymore. Then again, I cant really say that I´ve missed it either. Its just something about the whole concept, what to write about anyways? Another tasty recipe, great song to recommend, something that happened on the bus or perhaps the weather? Life in general should be more interesting than that, shouldn't it.. but my days filled with work, books, tea and travelling to Switzerland aren't really that mind blowing exciting... at least when reading about it.
So I considered deleting this blog, since I dont even use it.. and probably no one follows it.. but then again.. through this blog I found one of my closest friends.. and through her I found the love of my life.  If I didn't start writing this blog years ago, none of that would have happened.. at least not yet.
Seeing it that way, there must be a some hidden purpose behind this thing.. or maybe it already did its job, I dont know.. but I´ll give it benefit of doubt so far, more things could always happen.
Im such a sucker for serendipity and fate moments.. it doesnt necessarily have to be happy endings, like in the movies.. but it has to be a life lesson.. a life purpose behind everything.. it has to.
"If its meant to be, its meant to be!" This could probably be my life motto, but then again, I dont want to have a motto that probably millions others also have.. so I´ll rather stick with my own.. something something, eat cheese everyday.. something about sour cream.. and I think there also was something about friends and family, and that the whole mixture is important all together.

I might not be the most social person, but Im happy about it. People who know me well, know that I reward myself with social points if I´ve been social. And people who knows me that well, also knows that I´m their friend forever, even tho we dont meet once a week or talk on the phone everyday. In my mind, the best and the strongest friendships are those who never change, even tho time changes or people changes. I have few but never ending friendships around me, and I prefer that rather than having drifting friendships with people you're not sure if you can call in 3 months when you need advice.
I might sound like a total loner now. But hey, if you just look at everything in your life as time consuming things.. how to spend that time the best? I dont need to share my every moment on earth with people all the time.. In the end you're alone anyways, so why not get used to the feeling, and not be afraid of it when the time is right.

I´ve found love, I´ve found my closest friends so far, and I have a really big family and great workmates. I dont want to fill up my spare time with silly friendships or meaningless time consuming drama. I want to fill it up with slow mornings, tea, books, loving warm people, dance, african drums, cheese flavored foods, people in need that I can help, sour cream, photography, the scent of rain during summer, naps and some cozy hairy four legged pet to cuddle every day.

Maybe someday this blog will make it to that list, and talk about important things, but so far, this was todays wisdom. Hopefully more wisdom is yet to come.